Tuesday, April 29, 2008

its funny how five years passed by and we can hardly know an person. i thought i know you better than what you just did to me. after hearing you say that you are afraid that no one see that you went to keppel to take readings and no one knows that you are doing things for the team for the third time, i'm convinced that you are trying to hint something, what you want me to rank you first? no? you want me to tell the rest that you did more work than anyone else? no? so you want me to give you a suggestion, i give you one.

AND I WISH I NEVER DID. after giving you the suggestion, this is what i get. was i the one worried about what the fuck score i was going to get? to be really honest, i am going to rank raphael first not matter whether we got pacat or not? just use your bloody common sense and think who is going to be on huawei and yuan wang first rank? do you even have to ask to know who its going to be? and i did tell you that yuwei is going to upset, didnt i? great, i come to school and i see a black face, fine, i know whats going on, so i tell you, see la, want to help you, in the end kanna yuwei's black face. what i never ever expected was you saying, "i never ask for ur help what? y you want to help me?"

WHAT? I'M THE ONE AFRAID THAT PEOPLE DON KNOW WHAT I DID FOR THE PROJECT? I'M THE ONE AFRAID THAT THE PEER REVIEW ISNT GOING TO BE FAIR? DID I SUGGEST WHAT I SUGGEST SO THAT I CAN GET AN FUCKING A? freaking grow up, what are you? 5 years old? i see, so much so for trying to help.

yuwei, after 5 years, i didnt think that i looked like the type that cared about grades more than i care about friends, you are probably right, its a dog-eat-dog world out there, and i'm a motherfucking rottweiler trying to prey on the weaker ones, like cheryl says jokingly, gilbert has no morals, how right. and she doesnt even need 5 weeks to know that, i'm sorry for wasting your 5 years. you are right, i did say one thing and do another, what you want me to do? syafiq SEEMED like he needed help, maybe i read too much into it. i'm just too fucking stupid. i know you gave us a lot of help, but i did try my best to help as well. did i not lend syafiq copy my cheatsheet like you lent me yours? did i not let raphael copy my materials list for applications? did i not photocopy the notes from the material book for you when i photo copy for myself?

this is fucking stupid, i don know what i'm trying to prove. afterall i did backstabbed you and was a hypocrite for saying things. i'm really sorry, i need not you to forgive and forget, really. this may or may not be a misunderstanding, but i think i really want to let this go, you are right. things will not be the same again. and i'm really sorry for having to lose a good friend, it was really tiring to think of how to apologise to you today. and i wish i never have to go thru this again. thanks for everything anyway.

grades and politics, i'm so sick of this bullshit. i'm going to end this once and for all, for myself at least.
gilbert at 12:08 PM [comment]

{I hear voices, voices only half as humane as mine..}